Today, I asked my friends to write me a testimonial for a website that I’m on. I received two replies so far, and they had one particular thing in common. They both said that I was always smiling…. It’s true… I am always smiling.. in public. However, the story changes when I get home and climb the stairs to my fort of solitude. The moment I put on my pajamas, I take off the mask that I was wearing all day. There is a sick relief to feel the tears finally pour down my face as I drift into the sweet bliss of slumber.
I am broken. I am nothing. Let me die.
Now that the shock factor is out of the way… Those evil-filled words are what my thoughts were almost every day; up until a few months ago. Sure, I still have bad days, even bad weeks. This week happens to be one where I feel off, which is why I’m writing this blog post..
Depression. It happens. Even in the Christian realm. * side note : It really grinds my gears when people say that you get depression because you aren’t fully trusting God. #bull-alert. Yes, there is a bit of merit to that way of thinking, but only for some people.* Anyways…Why was I depressed? Because life altering situations put me in a terrible mental place. Plus, I had a hormone imbalance. Hypothyroidism does that to you… which made the depression 10000x worse. So, after I got the medication in my system, my normal way of thinking became slightly more positive. It still wasn’t enough though. Do you want to know what I did that changed my life and made me the genuinely joyful person I am today? I said no. Seriously. That’s all that happened. I started to tell my negative thoughts to leave me alone. I realized that I was the one doing the thinking, so I should be the one to CHANGE my outlook on life. Yes. Absolutely horrific things have happened to me. But it’s MY decision to let them run MY life.
Simply, if something has a hold on you, Tell it NO. It may just be the change in life that you were looking for. Invest your time in *cough* safe *cough* things that make you happy. Take it from me, living in a positive world is WAAAAY better than living in a negative one.
Comment Below and Don’t Forget to Live Life with a Multicolored Perspective <3